Postpartum Depression?

Postpartum depression (PPD), also called postnatal depression, is a form of clinical depression which can affect women, and less frequently men, typically after childbirth. Studies report prevalence rates among women from 5% to 25%, but methodological differences among the studies make the actual prevalence rate unclear. Among men, in particular new fathers, the incidence of postpartum depression has been estimated to be between 1.2% and 25.5%.^[1] Postpartum depression occurs in women after they have carried a child. Symptoms include sadness, fatigue, changes in sleeping and eating patterns, reduced libido, crying episodes, anxiety, and irritability. Although a number of risk factors have been identified, the causes of PPD are not well understood. Many women recover with a treatment consisting of a support group or counseling.

---- taken from Wikipedia-----

Sedang menganalisa keruwetan yang terjadi dalam diri saya setahun kemarin, right after I gave birth to Raisya. No…saya tidak mengalami baby blues…. I think I can not have the heart to pushed away my baby at that time, she was so precious. This depression came in another form…. Pushed away the father.

Yap. Klo dipikir-pikir setelah melahirkan Raisya, saya jadi menjauhkan diri dari suami. Kerap kali bersikap ketus. Sering bersikap tidak perduli. Dalam benak saya, hanya ada saya dan anak. It was really a rough year for us… for him.

Lately, after a long pause of silent and not mentioned It to anyone, I shared it with a friend.There she recall, this might came from the fact that my husband was not there when I gave birth. I might forgive him, but surely I cannot forget it. Thus, when he seems to be (very) nice and being a great dad for Raisya… my ‘hurt’ heart cannot accept it. Deep down in my heart and in the very black part of my mind… He is still guilty.

This is getting worse when I am seems to cannot accept any single, simple, ridiculous mistakes he, then make. It will surely burst me to anger.

No… I don’t hate him. I always feel guilty after. And I do miss the old us… the loving and caring me for him….. But, a wall seems built around me…. Protecting me from getting hurt again…by him. I don’t even realize when the wall shows and getting bigger and higher and thicker.

This is not right, I know. I need help, I know.

This year, I urge myself to recover. I cannot be like this forever, can I? It’s just that….i still couldn’t find my way out from the wall….  Arrghhh…..where is the Dora map when you need one...

God…. I really do need help…or a vacation….

Dear you… The love is still there. I’ll find my way to reach it…..